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Many “no” situations involve someone asking you to accept a voluntary task or project. When you are overloaded, you want to decline, but you hate to disappoint a colleague or a friend. As a result, you find yourself either taking on the assignment and doing less than your best, taking on the assignment and resenting the requester for asking, or accepting the assignment but not following through. All these weak choices tempt us when we can’t find a polite way to phrase a “no” response to a friend or colleague.
Instead, express appreciation that your colleague “considered” you or “thought” of you for the project: “I feel honored that you even considered me to speak to your group on such an important occasion,” or, “I’m so pleased that you considered me capable of serving on this committee; I know this work is critical to the overall success of the event. Unfortunately, however, my schedule just won’t allow it.” The implication of your phrasing is that your friend has honored you by asking. When you thank him for that honor but are firm in your                 turndown, he typically understands your sincere regret that you cannot take on the assignment.

  • Regret Is a By-Product of Inactivity
  • Have the Courage to Show Kindness
  • Say No to a Request, Expressing Appreciation
  • Let Your Friend Feel Appreciated When You Ask
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